the day has finally arrived.. the day which marked an important moment in the chapter of my life.. i pray that we will always be blessed with good health and patience, more understanding and of course, loving each other more as the day goes by..
love you, sweetheart..
i dont even recall the last time i blogged. too many things have taken place.. too many work had to be done.. it has been a busy period in my life.. every moment is packed with schedules and datelines to meet… surely procrastination isnt a very friendly thing to do..
the day is drawing near too.. before i could even feel the breeze.. just a couple more days left before im known officially as someone’s fiancee.. very excited, nervous, scared, joyful all at the same time.. that night i even cried myself to sleep.. i dont know why… maybe im too happy that its finally happening? maybe im scared? haha but im glad that this day is finally here in this story of my life.. at the very least, i dont have to worry bout work at the moment coz ive been sent to attend a 2 weeks mass casualty course at work… i dont have to get so mentally and physically tired with work.. just with the notes.. but its better to study than to work.. hehe
i will soon be engaged to the most wonderful, funny, thoughtful, naughty, understanding, hot, smart boy ive ever met my entire life..
these past weeks have been filled with lots of things to settle.. things like outfit fitting, opening another savings account, collecting all the ordered items, cleaning up the house, doing the gift sets.. thats the most fun part of this whole thing… i love doing gift sets.. the last time my brother saw my talent in this, he was suggesting that i should put it up on the website, i can even start a simple business from it.. i can.. its just that i dont have alot of time. my schedule is already packed, as it is.. hehe
hopefully this sunday will run smoothly.most importantly, i hope and pray that we will always remain with each other. that every little arguments and quarrels will only bring us closer and stronger. may our relationship lasts a lifetime, Insya Allah…
*smiles*
how, where and who do i express my feelings to? do i just keep all the hurt in me, just so the words wont be twist back around and hit my back in my heart? what do i do when the person who i look up to is the one who brings me back down to the ground? how do i say this out without hitting directly on anyone or anything for any matter?
im so hurting inside.. im screaming.. but who will hear me? who will see thru this hurt? who will help cure me?
who…
its not like ive not been in this position before. but i hate to see myself be in this same position once more. it shouldnt be happening at all. and it was not my fault to start off with.. but, how come it is being thrown back at me just because in this hurt, i retaliated and got pointed for it.
how is this fair for me, if it isnt fair for you?
sigh.. *tears*
thats what im feeling right now but i dont wish to elaborate. instead, i rather write down the things that made me happy this couple of days.. my cousin’s engagement went on smoothly on that saturday though the night before was totally hell.. coz everything was very rushing..
sunday was the eve of chinese new year but it brought no luck to working in resus room coz the place was ultra busy. the combination was bad. i just knew the fengshui isnt there,especially when i have to work with fazli.. the pretty boy with the threaded eyebrows.. hehehe thats a good one for the evening at least.
monday was at resus again.. this time it wasnt as bad as the one before.. only towards handing over shift did we receive a couple of cases.. not bad..
tuesday morning was well-spent at cca with a bunch of great ppl to work with.. and it went by very quickly.. after that, i came home for a good well deserving one hour massage.. im so glad she came that evening.. mommy and i had a good sleep that night..
wednesday was supposed to be spent in johor but the tailor shop was closed and was only opened the day after.. so since my aunt and twin cousins were already at our place, we decided to go out anyway. met shafiee at vivo city for lunch and a short shopping spree with the ladies before we went to collect our engagement rings..
thereafter decided to go for an ice cream treat cum belated bday celeb for the twins and my aunt, we went to clarke quay’s haagen daaz.. all of us got so hyped up after that, that we all walked over to scdf museum (or whatever they called it) to grab some aircon as well as get some educational moment there.. did we?
took a cab home for dinner and spent the night playing scrabble with dad till late..
today was a surprise dinner for bro.. asked dayana for a major plan and thankfully it all turned out well.. bro and shafiee came back from soccer, having family dinner cum belated bday gathering for my bro.. menu was a simple homemade fish and chips with choc and ice cream fondue, courtesy of dayana.. and then topped the night with another game of scrabble, which then left everyone mentally drained out..
well, dad and mom must have slept by now and bro has returned to station after sending shafiee and dayana home..
me? i generally happy, though a bit chissed off over certain things.. but i guess i just let it be buried in me..
anyway, be working tomorrow pm. wonder where i will be assigned to. as of now, im checking out LV bags and coach bags on multiply and surprisingly, they all interest me.. and yeah, i can say that my mood is slightly lifted up now..
dunno why.
anyway, shall continue surfing (though i wont be getting any of those bags.. or will i? i dunno…)
i need an organiser.. or a secretary for that matter coz…
1. i need to do the big project
2. i need to collect the cake.
3. i need to go for the costume-fitting appt.
4. i need to get the macaroons.
5. … the cupcakes..
6.hair treatment..
7. i need to do waxing.
8. collect the flowers.
9. get the chocolates.
10. manicure?
not enough? *faints* thats why i need a secretary or an organiser. better still, a clone of myself. *kwang kwang kwang*
on top of it all, i need to start writing my blogs again!! argh…
and i miss mr boyfriend.
so is this the first entry for the new year? i think so.. *smiles* just completed my round of 3 nights and now its time to enjoy my FIVE off days.. how lovely!
this evening was the evening of the first phase.. meaning to say that this evening, his family as well as his relatives came over to my place for the engagement proposal.. i was nervous and tachy, of course.. well apart from the reason of having them coming over, there was a bigger anxiety related to that. it was because, importantly, they are coming over because they’re asking for my hand in marriage.. its like.. oh my God..its about me.. they came here for me.. it was something that ive never experienced before.. so, all that explained the reason behind my anxieties and tachycardias..
but im glad everything went on smoothly.. that was the first phase.. its a pass.. *smiles*
dad and and his family discussed about the date, the dowry, the gifts.. and then there were food.. good food.. hehe
so now, next is to prepare for the remainder of the gifts to buy with beloved. that shall be done during our 5 days off.. we could have gone for a short getaway.. but… there’s alot more things to be done.. time is ticking..
this morning, i had a quarter of the gifts decorated.. with a sleepy mind.. hehehe
and the story continues… *smiles*
this time around, as i write this speech, im seated in my DIY ikea chair in my room.. the whole day i was at home, resting, still recovering from my laryngitis as well as URTI, given 2 days rest by my family doctor.. thinking from the time that i woke up till this moment about the speech that im about to write..
year 2008 has been, at its very most, a roller coaster ride, challenging and fun, most mentally tested, some might say. memorable in many ways too..
started off the year with being in department of emergency. alot of things has changed, the working condition, the difference in our welfare, the colleagues, the environment.. in there, i learn many things.. was sent for ecg course, triage course and the latest was the medical trauma resuscitation course, in which i find to be very useful in times when i’m assigned to resus room to handle the cases.
in department of emergency, is where i find new working colleagues, new challenges too in dealing with the public. i learnt to adapt to many changes. till this very day, im still learning new things.. every single day.
it was within this year too that i graduated from university of sydney, thereafter holding the title of bachelor in nursing.. after the bad runnings of having to retake 4 modules which i didnt manage to pull through a year ago, i finally cleared them all during the first 4 months of this year. i was the happiest one around and im so glad that i was graduating with the rest of the class in september 2008. plans were made with the family to attend graduation in australia but there were many other things which caused the plan to change. so we had it in singapore instead. nonetheless, it was not any less glorious.. to celebrate it with friends who sticked by me during the whole course.. it was a memorable journey i had with them. if i could, i want to go back to school again and relive those moments..
this year too, was when i found my love. at the most unexpected moment of all.. that eventful day which fell on the 1st of march 2008, 1630hours on a saturday, while i was in the changing room, i was being called up by a colleague to critical care area because the one person who wished to get to know me was there. initially i was reluctant to come over as i thought it was just another prank by my playful colleagues. she hang up the phone on me, leaving me with no other choice but to drag myself to walk over to critical care area.
i couldnt see him. i didnt know what he looked like, in the first place, let alone to be able to spot him. so i went over to ask my colleague and she said he went out to register for his patient, she told me to hang around for a little while more until he entered critical care area. so i did.. and i walked around, talking to my other colleagues, made a good one whole circle and came back to where i was initially waiting for the mystery man.
then i saw.. standing at the corner of critical care area with his smart uniform, clean cut look with that spectacles and the stethoscope around his neck with his right hand documenting the case which he just brought in.. in full concentration, not noticing anything else around him.. while i was standing on his right side, not too far away from where he was. and so i thought, “is this the one they have been trying to tell me about? that guy who wanted to get to know me?” and shortly after, as i was still observing that guy, that particular colleague hinted to me that he was the guy she has been referring to all this while. and i just smiled. a positive smile.
i walked closer to him as he was still writing down on his note, i nudged him on his right arm… *funny how all this is still so clear in my head.. how all this is playing like a recorded video, just waiting to be played.* instead of making a right turn, he went an anticlockwise full body slow motioned turn and when his eyes met mine, he just lost all focus and his papers flew.. i was nailed down by that reaction that i didnt do anything but giggled as he picked up all his papers on the floor… “a big guy with a soft heart” i thought…
from then on, life has never been the same. the joy and laughter and every lovely moment he shared with me, every pinch of love that he showered me with, has made me a more beautiful person on the inside.. knowing that there is still someone who loves me more than i love myself. care for me more than i care for myself. his presence, indeed, is the most pleasant surprise that have ever taken place. the best gift that God gave to me, besides having a wonderful set of parents and a wonderful brother as well as a peaceful life and good education.
and everything moved on so quickly that sometimes, i just wished time were more on our side, so that we could embrace every little moment together.. but, i have never regretted knowing him. from the time we finally set eyes on each other, till this very day, every single moment has been a meaningful moment in my life. and i dont ever want it another way.
i understand that as we walk along this path, there will be times in which we will have differences in our thoughts and views, we will have quarrels and misunderstandings, that its not a bed of roses all the time, that i may not be perfect and that i may make mistakes, i may do the things that u might hate me to do or you might really test my water or you may make me cry.. but, i do want you to know that i love you, that every little thing that i do is for us, never a moment that i dont think of us. that if i could give you the world, i would give you so much more just to show you how much i feel blessed to have you in my life. i just want us to be happy with each other..
and.. with this new year that is coming, my wish is just one. to see us both in each other’s loving arms always, journeying through life together, a journey that God has planned out for us. being there for each other through good times and standing tall for one another through bad days as well. thank you for coming into my life. for making such a huge difference, for that fateful day at critical care area, for that footprint that will never ever be erased. for every moment. thank you for everything. and for loving me. i love you.
have been unwell for the past one week and counting.. my sinusitis isnt getting any better, though danzen helps the throat a lil.. today im starting to cough and my throat really hurts, when ure trying to force out the phlegm that is isnt there in the first place… at least if ure having a productive cough, u know uve got something to spit out… but a dry cough? it just really hurts the throat. so much. and its not like im trying to say having productive cough is any good, either.
my trauma course is finally over.. and we’re finally resus trained.. so next time when they assigned me there, i’ll be more prepared to receive those standby cases, i hope.
night shifts on the xma season wasnt that bad afterall.. although considering that we still did get a couple of assaulted drunkards in the house, but the rest of the nation apparently chose to stay home those 3 nights..
friday night went over to my aunty’s place for the brownies that mommy baked. and i saw the gubahans that a particular well-known bridal co. made for my uncle. maybe i was expecting too much from the bridal staff. but MAYBE her creation was just plain fugly. so i told my uncle that im gonna fix it all for him… i even took a before-after photos of his gifts… there were so much difference. not like im trying to say that i can do better coz im no where near there. but i guess, they could have done a better job, if they want their work to be appreciated and recommended.
the weekends have been crazy but it was fun.. im happy that my uncle and his fiance finally got married, after all these decade that they have been dating.. they will be off for their honeymoon tmr.. have fun!
as for me.. what about me.. oh, before that. i also managed to drop by to another colleague’s wedding at jurong west.. her dais was gorgeous.. spacious enough for the whole station to stand there and pose photos with the newly weds.
and while looking at the whole event taking place, i cant help but wonder. wonder how it will ever be for me.. if only i could voice out alot of things that been running in my head. but sadly, its just for me to keep and for me to ponder on.
when will someone hear my thoughts and not feel that its just my emotions that mainly playing in my head. when will my words and thoughts ever be taken into some level of seriousness and not just some emotional downpour.
until that day comes, i will keep it all to myself.
i promise that …
-i will write bout my medical trauma course
-i will write bout my night shift that has just ended
-i will write bout my3 fruitful days in preparation for my uncle’s wedding
-i will write a closing speech for the yearend 2008
and then… i will write about..
-whats gonna happen in 2009
meanwhile, i wanna sleep. im tired..
i was more than delighted when i found out i was chosen among the crowd to go through the medical trauma resus course.. just the name itself gave me some sort of happiness.. its like, its something ive been wanting to do eversince i was transferred down to the emergency department.
the course commenced on the 3rd of december, which also fell on my parent’s anniversary. still remembered that we (me, love and bro) bought my parents an ice cream cake with the personalised cuddly pillow, with their name sewn on it.
today, 3rd week of the medical trauma resus course, the second last session of the course. we had our medical resus prac test.. monday will be the last day of the course, in which we will be doing our final trauma resus and then it will be a thing of the past. how fast time flies, once more.
initially, it felt really rushing with having to stay back for another 4 good hours after morning shift, having to stay alert throughout the lesson coz every information given out is an important thing for us to remember for the test as well as for later use (when we’re really assigned to be at resus).. and then came the stress when we all had the first theory test. and goodness me, i found out about the test just a night before the actual day. the best part of it all was, the day before the test, i was doing the 11 to 7.15pm shift and then joined my colleagues at mind cafe.. wahahaha the most craziest thing i did and of course, i had a good scolding from lOve for being so.. so.. ugh.. i cant think of a word to describe my absent-mindedness for that evening.
and as everyone must have known, yesterday was when the paycheck came in. the first thing i bought myself was another pair of crocs. the one ive been wanting to get. the initial plan was to actually get my mom another pair of slip-ons from there but unfortunately, they do not have the stock for that particular design at the moment.
today we had a treat. love and i that is. for having pass the 2nd part of the trauma course. for having the paycheck in. for our “i-miss-u” moment. we had cravings for the cheese chips at long john’s silver in the evening after meeting his parents for a lil catching up, after they touchdown from haj.
since we were both concerned about our big project (ok, actually im more nervous over things than he is), we decided to go for window shopping instead. this was what we got for ourselves..
-some cds from “THAT CD SHOP” (and yes, he got me the lake house movie. i lurve lurve it!!! gonna watch after this. hush!)
-ahem! a crumpler bagpack. hope u love it, lOve!
not to forget, i received some belated bday gift from cynthia before course today! she got me a gorgeous bangle, a neck shawl as well as the silvery swatch ladies watch.. *giggles*
went around looking for some nice yet different perfume for me at DFS.. found SOME which i really LOVE but lOve was attracted to only ONE.. hehehe thats for part of the big project though..
so, im left with only the toiletries as well as his perfume and the OTHER gift from you-know-where.. (the rest u gotta find out on the day itself. i zip my lips after this)
clock is ticking.. *giggles..*
